Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Going to Bed Together....


Hubby might end up with a swelled head.
Hubby is always bugging me about my theories, truth is he has some theories of his own, he just doesn’t spew them as regularly as I do.

He’s got some ideas of what it takes to have a great marriage and we are happy and he’s a pretty fantastic husband so I do suppose at least most of his theories might be correct.

One he’s said since before we were even married is that couples that go to bed together at the same time are happier. He believes that pillow talk and that time together is extremely important.

I’ve always went along with this theory because I do enjoy going to bed at the same time as him and after all these years it has become a well established habit and feels odd when we don’t.

Still I always expressed my doubts about his theory. Not one couple that we know and have asked consistently go to bed at the same time and they all seem happy. Hubby says they COULD be happier..... I always laugh.

Then the other day on Facebook someone posted this list…. Notice what number one is??? Yeah Hubby might just get a swelled head!!!

A Psychology Today article by LA psychiatrist Mark Goulston stated that if you regularly take one item from the below list and consistently practice it in your relationship you will be a happier couple over time. Above all, he recommends that you practice listening and 'be more interested than interesting, more fascinated than fascinating and more adoring than adorable'.

Here's his list of 10 habits to cultivate to become a happier couple. How many do you already practice in your relationship?

1.      Go to bed at the same time

This might seem easy at the beginning of a relationship, but as time goes by it becomes easier to drift apart and this can become one of the symptoms of living separate lives. Resisting the temptation to go to bed at different times gives the opportunity for touch and sexual excitement as well.

2.      Cultivate common interests

Don't underestimate the importance of doing activities together. Happy couples that don't have common interests make the time and effort to cultivate them. This isn't to say that you shouldn't cultivate your own interests as this keeps you from becoming too dependent and keeps you interesting to your mate.

3.      Walk hand in hand or side by side
Happy couples prioritize being together over their own interests. That means that they are willing to match each other's pace. Must be a metaphor in there somewhere.

4.      Make trust and forgiveness your default mode

Happy couples chose trust and forgiveness, even in the face of disagreements that can't be fully resolved. This keeps walls from building up that prevent intimacy.

5.      Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong

In the same way that you can always find something negative if you look for it, happy couples know that you can choose to focus on the positive.

6.      Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work

Points of contact become points of intimacy. When you keep 'good touch' as a key part of your relationship, it helps you to let your day go and move into time together.

7.      Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning

This sets up the day in a positive way and also keeps your connection even as you go your separate ways.

8.      Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel

This communicates that the love that is the foundation of your relationship is more important than any disagreement or negative feelings you are experiencing towards each other. It reminds your partner that your relationship can withstand the trials and circumstances that may beset it.

9.      Do a “weather” check during the day

Checking in with your partner during the day is another contact point that also allows you to gauge where they're at and can prepare you to be sensitive to their feelings when you reconnect in person.

10.   Be proud to be seen with your partner

Happy couples like being seen together and communicate it in the way that they show affection in public. A simple touch of the hand on the shoulder, knee or back of the neck can go a long ways to showing that you belong together and are happy about it.

1 comment:

  1. I love all of these, and they're spot on. That was a good article you shared! And I think your man is right: couples should go to bed t the same time. My husband and I need to work on that. It's about 50/50, As for the other stuff, we try to observe most of them, but as you know from my latest, I'm the one who needs to work on my attitude! I start pretty much every argument. I do love him.

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