So I make some big announcement of how much I’ve missed blogging and how I’m back and then don’t post or check other posts for months?? What’s with that?I don’t even really know the answer because I certainly have not ran out of opinions – I guess I got out of the habit – I often think I need to write, but then I just don’t.
I could give a pile of updates – but I’m just going to dive back into my regular thing and trust the updates will make their way through my thoughts.So what thought to jump off with – gremlins, shoulding on ourselves – yeah the typical Blessed So and So stuff….
I’ve read two of Brene Brown’s books Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection. In that order.So Daring Greatly I really, really liked right off the get go. I LOVED the whole idea of changing the goal. I’m all about motivation and intention. Why am I doing what I’m doing? What am I accomplishing?? Adding the intention “To Dare Greatly” or “Be Courageous” to my life is pretty cool and I like it a lot.
I also adored her whole bit about “being in the ring” – really immersing in life….Yep it’s AMAZING that I liked this book, it’s one of the very few “buzz” books that I actually started and finished and felt there was a lot more valuable in it then gobbly goop. I’m not big on “buzz” anything….
So because I enjoyed that book I got the one she published before it – The Gifts of Imperfection.I don’t believe I’m a perfectionist. I’m pretty good at embracing my imperfections and laughing with others as they delight in my shortcomings (in a good natured, loving way).
Of course I can beat myself up and feel unworthy. That happens to us all. However I was super blessed to have these two amazing parents – a father that truly believes I hung the moon and can do no wrong and a mother who is much more realistic, but always believed and encouraged me. So I really got a jump on the whole I’m worthy business.Still those gremlins (as Brene calls them) can track us down no matter where we are. I read Brene’s book and I started out feeling pretty alright, when I closed the last page I was suddenly wrestling with a pile of questions. Am I perfectionist? Am I hustling for my worth? Does the fact that I like my house to be clean mean inside I’m an utter mess and all screwed up??? Why don’t I dance? Why do I sing really, really loud by myself or in church, but not anywhere else?? Oh no I’m all wrong! I need to lighten up! I need to be more fun! I’m too serious! Yadda Yadda Yadda.
Then I stopped. I thought. I prayed.So…………… I am a serious person. I’m not a dancer. It’s not that I’m pushing down some huge urge to dance and am worried about making a fool of myself I just don’t get the urge often. I mean I’ll bebop a bit here and there, but yeah full body – “Little Sis” style dancing it ain’t me. For real it’s just not me. I do love to sing, but I’m really, really, really bad – honestly this is not self-depreciation it’s fact. I do try and be considerate, it isn’t hustling for worthiness it’s just taking into account my loved ones enjoy songs too and they really don’t want my magpie style pipes drowning out the real music. So I sing by myself and in church - cause yeah that singing is for God and He doesn’t care that I cannot carry a tune in a bucket!!
I have a standard that I like my house and my yard. It’s for me. It truly is. I used to have other people’s standard’s in my head and I tried ever so diligently to clean to them and then I realized the stupidity in that and realized the only standard that matters is the four of us that live under our roof. I’d say my standard is the highest of the four of us and so I maintain that. It’s sort of crazy when I gave up trying to clean to someone else’s standard my house actually got cleaner. I’m not hustling, I’m happy.After reading Brene’s book I examined how I felt as I puttered and cleaned in my kitchen after an impromptu roast chicken dinner with my folks. Yep I really wasn’t hustling. I was honest to goodness just joyful and content.
So here’s when it hit me. It’s the whole adage – straight haired gals want beautiful ringlets, curly cues want straight as an arrow locks. Serious people think they should lighten up. Lighter people think they should be more serious.The gremlins will meet you wherever you are.
We do have natural tendencies and when we aren’t on track and we all fall off track more than once it’s likely going to match up with our natural tendencies. When I’m hiding and not dealing with life I’m going to work more, clean harder, and get buried in the efficiency of distractive doing. While I have a dear, carefree friend who is likely to go out on the town, take a vacation when she shouldn’t, let franticness run rampant when she’s not doing well.It looks different, but gremlins are gremlins.
I need to stop shoulding. I laugh a lot. I’m content and happy. I’m not super, duper goofy. I’m not a street dancer or singer. Conversations with me tend to naturally move toward heavier and deeper.
That’s Okay. I’m okay.Sure sometimes I think what’s wrong with me why can’t I just giggle about a great looking Matthew Mcconaughey?? I admire his handsome looks, but I don’t get giddy.
I’m not dead so even though I’m head over heels in love with this amazing man who I think is soooo good looking and delicious.I can see that this Matthew Maconaughey ain’t so bad either….
Still…even though I admire I can’t seem to spend much time idly chatting about him.The truth is, we all have our own tool boxes and our own sweet spots; we need to settle in to who we are – get outta town ya nasty gremlins!!!